Now. Look. You can see BLACK hairs! Where the hell have they sprung from? There’s never been a black hair on my body. Now I’m metamorphosing into a comic opera character. It must be the blazing Mediterranean sunshine, back again.

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

Growth has stopped. I can only put it down to the humiliating defeat of the plucky little Welsh rugby team at the hands of mighty Samoa last night. God, how appalling. Over the next two weeks we host New Zealand and Australia, piffling little countries we should be able to brush aside with a sweep of our mighty moustachios. But I wonder …

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

This grey, dull day sees recognition at last from Elena, our Bulgarian cleaner. “In my wullage all men have BEEG mostatchees. Why youse so weak and feeble?”

Well, attempting to explain the higher planes of evolution to someone still grief-stricken at the lost of Patriarch Maxim is a tricky concept at best, so I simply leered and commented that Bulgaria was not one of the 22 countries the Brits had omitted to invade.

Lacking a wife to hand, I have had to take the Growth pictures myself. I found an application called Photo Booth on my computer, and not knowing how to use it I clicked a button and found myself on the first ship out of Roswell, New Mexico:

Then going ‘Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit’ on the edge of the garden pond:

Then I ate all the millet and had a run in the wheel:

Then finally found the right button to press to display today’s growth:

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

HALF WAY THERE!

This is actually very little fun indeed. I don’t enjoy growing a moustache and it certainly doesn’t suit me. But it’s only for another fifteen days — although I might keep it for an extra week to scare the Society of Bookmen — and then my filtrum can roam free and unchecked in its former glory.

Furthermore, to prove that the sun doesn’t always shine on me, here is London in the fog this morning. All Americans know this is how it actually is all the time in London; everything else is a fiction promulgated by the tourist board. This prevalent belief must stem from a well-circulated American school text book. I’d love to find out what it was.

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

Still the sun beats remorselessly down. Still the tiny hairs on my upper lip grow inexorably towards their imminent exfoliation. It can now be seen from a distance of, what, six feet? Not bad, eh?

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

Aargghh! Sunshine again! Will this never cease?

And as I approach half-time, I can actually see hair on my upper lip. Of course it can’t be seen in real life, or in the evening, but I can feel it and I assure you there is some evidence of growth.

Not a lot, I’ll grant you, but nonetheless proof enough for me that I am still alive.

Hang on — doesn’t your hair keep growing after you die?

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

At last! No sunshine. Back to normal.

But what is this? You may not be able to see this as it’s mainly fair (I have skin-coloured hair) but there are a few stout BLACK hairs growing on my upper lip. Where did they come from? I have never had a black hair in my life. I expected fair hair, or even grey, but Black?

My god I must be potent.

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

Remembrance Sunday. Armistice Day.

I have demolished the east and west wings. I am left with the main block, such as it is. This is eleven days’ growth, and it’s pathetic. I’m rather depressed and grumpy about it all.

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

This little bonus effort which is attempting to extend across the face is not receiving plaudits. “Ach-y-fi!” cries Yvonne (she knows a lot of Welsh).

“Hm. Not a good look,” pronounces my friend Shaunagh, whom I haven’t seen for over a year.

OK, this is the last you’ll see of it.

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

Hello? Hello?? There’s less hair here than there was yesterday! How can that be?

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.