Alarm has been voiced over a seemingly innocuous expenses claim for “3 cappuccinos” at the BAPLA Picture Buyers Fair by a company director, said to be fotoLibra MD Gwyn Headley.
“It’s not the expense, it’s the principle of the thing,” asserted fotoLibra’s company secretary Yvonne Seeley. “We have a clearly understood policy that only one cappuccino may be consumed before lunch, and this flies in the face of acceptable behaviour.
Picture buyers were said to be outraged at the sight of the Dear Leader, as he is known to thousands of enslaved photographers, dallying with a second large cappuccino, allegedly as early as 10:30 in the morning.
“This caffeine-crazed binge must be stamped out,” stated Seeley as she headed gimlet-eyed towards the bank.
Meanwhile Headley, not denying the allegations, protested that the stimulant was essential to his ability to carry on business on behalf of his fotoLibra constituents. “Our photographers supply our stock in trade,” he asserted, “and without them we have nothing. My first concern has to be for their well being, and for that I need to keep going throughout the day. My BMI is an irrelevance in this situation, and frankly it was underhand of my critics even to raise the matter.”
In the face of growing unrest, Headley remains calm. “Naturally we listen to all points of view, and if it involves having a cup of coffee, then so be it. I have to take it on the chin. It’s my job.”
Co-director Seeley remained intransigent. “He knows the rules. If he chooses to go beyond the boundaries, then it’s his lookout. A politician spends 44p on a bathplug and it hits the front page of every paper. A picture librarian spends £8 on coffees and nobody turns a hair. It’s an outrage.”
Headley shrugged. “I had to do something to get into the public eye. Some may call it a stunt. But I needed that caffeine, and the expenses claim seemed the easiest way to get it. Had I known it would blow up into such a storm in a coffee cup, I’d have ordered four.”
Analysts forecast Headley’s BMI will remain much the same and may even diminish over the next few months. The ‘Cappuccino Crisis’ should be seen for what it is — simply an attention-seeking ploy to distract notice from headline-hugging politicians.

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