Growth has stopped. I can only put it down to the humiliating defeat of the plucky little Welsh rugby team at the hands of mighty Samoa last night. God, how appalling. Over the next two weeks we host New Zealand and Australia, piffling little countries we should be able to brush aside with a sweep of our mighty moustachios. But I wonder …

If you don’t know what this is all about, The World’s Most Hairless Man (that’s me, Gwyn Headley) is attempting to grow a moustache during November in aid of prostate and testicular cancer charity Movember. If you would care to donate, it’s easy — just go to http://mobro.co/gwynheadley and click on DONATE TO ME under my bald lip. I will be very grateful.

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