I needed to buy a length of clear plastic siphoning tubing to attempt to either suck or blow clear a blocked oil line.

Jewsons in Penrhyndeudraeth: “Sorry, no idea where you can get such a thing. Try a car accessories shop.”

Peirce, Ironmonger, Penrhyndeudraeth: “We only have thick plastic tubing. Try a pet shop. Or Wilkinsons.”

Wilkinsons, Porthmadog: “No idea. Try a car accessories shop.”

Car accessories shop, Porthmadog: closed.

Ffrindiau Bach, pet shop, Porthmadog: “No idea. Try Eric Owen, ironmongers.”

Eric Owen, ironmongers, Porthmadog: “No idea. Try a car accessories shop. Or a pet shop.”

Quaeck, soft furnishings, Porthmadog: (I was getting desperate) “Of course we don’t stock anything like that, but have you tried the chandlery on the harbour?”

Robert Owen, Marine Engineering, Porthmadog: “You mean like a fuel line? EU regulations mean we can only sell toughened and steel-reinforced black rubber fuel lines. And Sea-Doos at £16,995. Wait a moment —” and he popped over the road and came back with a metre of clear plastic siphoning tubing. “That’s EXACTLY what I want,” I cried, “How much?” “No, nothing,” he said. “Take it.”

I needed mounting holes drilled in two slate nameplates I had ordered and paid for in September, and which were delivered without screw holes in late December after much chasing, threatening and Trading Standards Officer intervention. Graham our handyman couldn’t do it, and said he’d asked various people but they were too busy — the recession bites ever harder.

I rang Madog Memorials in Porthmadog. “Yes, we can do that, bring them in.”  While I waited, he drilled two holes in each thick piece of slate, then countersunk a larger hole on the face. He then gave me a plug of slate. “Just slice off the depths you need with a knife,” he said. “It will shear cleanly and easily.” It does. The plugs will cover and conceal the screw heads. The slate dust from the drilling is as fine as talcum powder.

“How much do I owe you?” I asked. “Oh, there’s no charge, it didn’t take me long, did it?”

What a great place. What kind people.

So for your next Sea-Doo, may I strongly recommend Robert Owen Marine, Oakley Wharf, Porthmadog, Gwynedd LL49 9AY. 01766 513435.
http://www.robertowenmarine.co.uk

And for your next gravestone, I can also strongly recommend Madog Memorials, Stryd Madog Gorllewin, Porthmadog, Gwynedd LL49 9DU. 01766 515206.

Although I’d rather have a Sea-Doo than a gravestone.

 The clear plastic siphoning tubing, the nameplates with the drilled screwholes, and the slate plug with the first slice taken from it.

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