Everyone says there’s no rhyme for the word Orange, and we all smile, agree and nod wisely. Nobody seems to have stopped to think “Do I really know all the possible words ending in -ange?”

A little thought, a little research, and all of a sudden there’s a flurry of contenders.

When Wim and I wrote Follies: A National Trust Guide back in 1986, we were delighted to come across Blorenge House in Ashampstead, Berkshire, named for a little-known Welsh range of hills, and the only rhyme we had discovered for Orange. But then there’s a Range of hills. Doesn’t that rhyme?

Of course it depends on how you pronounce the word itself, so let’s look at the pronounciation possibilities. I’m London Welsh, so I say Orrinj. The French town is called, as far as I can transliterate, Aurrhahnzh. I don’t know anyone who says Orarnge or Oraynge. Using my pronounciation, this rhymes for me:

I had a mechanical orange
Instead of just sucking a lozenge
The law I’d infringe
(We used a syringe)
Which put me a bit beyond The fringe.

Sorry about the scansion in the last line, but I wanted to make the metre correct. The possibilities are very far from endless, but how about these:  change; exchange; strange; minge (might be rude, that one); hinge, whinge; range; mange; arrange; grange; interchange — I could go on. You add some.

By golly they did it! We’ve always had the raw material but we don’t seem to be able to breed managers in the same way we can breed outside halves.

If this is all gobbledygook to you, it’s about rugby football. Yesterday Wales beat Ireland in Dublin to capture the Triple Crown (that’s for beating England. Scotland and Ireland) under their new manager Warren Gatland, a New Zealander. Wales having already beaten Italy, the Six Nations table as I write looks like this:

1. Wales 8 points
2. France 4 points
3. Ireland 4 points
4. England 4 points
5. Scotland 2 points
6. Italy 0 points

The big game is at 5pm next Saturday, Wales v France in Cardiff. We haven’t beaten France in Cardiff since 1999. This is for the Championship and the Grand Slam. France could win the Championship if they score an outrageous number of points. but only Wales can take the Grand Slam. Reason enough for optimism.

If there’s a Wales left, that is. Weather forecasters have been forecasting a “bomb” tonight — a storm of apocalyptic magnitude hitting the Welsh coast. We’ve been told to stay inside and keep away from coastal areas — a hard thing to do when we are a coastal area. This morning I looked out of the window and saw the highest tide I’ve seen in many years:

Compare this with the everyday view from our house, which is the calm and placid background to this blog. We’re a little apprehensive about the wind tonight. The waves we can cope with, unless they’re over 250 feet.

Redundancy is a fact of life. I knew a girl who would hunt out jobs she figured she had a fair chance of being made redundant from. Within five years she’d accumulated enough redundancy pay-offs to buy a house — and get herself a steady job.

I have never been made redundant, but I have been sacked. It was the week before Christmas 1974, and I was Publicity Director (not a director at all, just a big title for Manager) at the publishers W.H.Allen, and also Master of the Universe. Fresh from placing a W.H.Allen author as the lead guest on the Parkinson show every week for six straight weeks, I could do no wrong. I was called into the managing directors’ office. I went in jaunty at the prospect of a big rise, and came out jobless. No reason was given. I had to clear my desk by lunchtime.

Back then there was no such thing as job protection. People could be hired and fired at will. I racked my brains as to what I’d done wrong, and came up with nothing. But there was no comeback to be had. That was the last job I had; I’ve been gainfully unemployed (thanks for that one, Mike) ever since.

Last night at a party at the Irish Embassy I saw the man who had sacked me for the first time in 34 years.

“Are you Jeffrey Simmonds?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m Gwyn Headley. Why did you sack me?”

First there was blankness. Then bluster and denial. “Who are you again? I never sacked you.”

Then the dawn of recognition. “Are you that Welshman? You were always going off to rugger matches.”

“You sacked me for that? I went at weekends.”

“No, I’m beginning to remember now. You went off to a rugger match and you had done an ad for the Sunday Times, and it was much too big for the space booked, and they came back to us and you weren’t around and I had to redo the ad entirely myself.”

“And for that you sacked me? That was a sackable offence?” I couldn’t recall this at all.

His mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish. He looked like a pathetic old man.

And you know what? I felt sorry for this person I had once wanted to kill.

A new Platinum fotoLibra member very sensibly asked the following:

Having just taken advantage of the Platinum upgrade pre-deadline, I now have to really justify the added membership cost.  Could you let me know what images or types of images that are more likely to sell, so that I can upload images that ought to have a greater chance of selling.  Also, are there any particular gaps in your library that I could feasibly fill?  One I have noticed seems to be parascenders, but will it be likely to sell? I don’t want to keep uploading purely speculative stuff that is photographically OK but is not likely to find a market.  Any help or advice will be gratefully received! 

Excellent question. So we looked at the categories in our famous Taxonomy Matrix, and listed them according to the number of images uploaded on each subject. That seemed the quickest way to spot the gaps in our armory.

These are the subjects we have fewest images of:

• Anthropology
  Genetics
  Topography
  Anatomy
  State
  Maps
  Gay & Lesbian
  Hotels
  DIY
  Typography
  Old Age
  Health
  Entomology
  Disability
  Botany
  Hospitals
  Science
  Gyms
  TV
  Manuscripts
  Olympics

and these are the subjects we have most of:

• Mammals
  Religious
  Countryside
  Sea
  Wildlife
  History
  Flowers
  Holidays
  Motor
  Landscapes
  Buildings
  Birds

So Ornithology is our most popular and Anthropology our least popular subject among our members. No real surprise there: I generally prefer the company of birds to people.

But I hadn’t really realised the lacuna we have in social images. That doesn’t mean we don’t carry pickchers of Slebs (I’m glad we don’t); I mean we are particularly low on Health, Hospitals, Old Age, Disability and Gym images. Obviously when we are asked for a particular subject we don’t already have huge stocks of, Jacqui will send out a Picture Call, but these are images all self-respecting picture libraries should hold as a matter of course.

If you get a chance, please upload some of these images. They may not sell immediately, but they indicate to professional picture buyers they are dealing with a fully rounded agency, not a one trick pony.

And as for the Olympics …