Bodoni the tabby cat gas licked the base of his tail raw. I took him to the vet, the Dragon Veterinary Clinic in Hornsey Lane, London N19.

Is it only me who has trouble with the word ‘veterinary’? I have great difficulty pronouncing it.

“I hope it’s fleas,” said the senior partner after I’d been waiting for my 09:30 appointment for 25 minutes. “Fleas are easy.” He ran a comb through Bodoni’s fur and inspected the result for flea droppings or specks of blood. Nothing that I could see.

“OK, any other animals at home?”

“Yes, another cat called Bembo, and a Golden Retriever. Neither show any sign of fleas.”

“Better be safe than sorry,” said the vet.

Flea Control: Frontline 20-40kg Dog 3    £34.57
Flea Control: Frontline Cat Combo 6    £39.42
Dexafort Injection                £17.36
Consultation                    £29.15
Total                        £120.50

Tell me, how can a poor man stand such times and live?